Madonna ‎– Express Yourself

Thanks, Merci, Danke sehr, Gracias, Kiitos... :- )
I love you buyers and record collectors. You bring a smile to my face and we are in this together!

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Hang on to your table or chair....you will hate me after reading the razzle-dazzle below. Guaranteed.

**When placing an order you are agreeing with the and conditions described below**

I AM NOT A MULTIGAZILLION-DOLLAR-AMAZON-LIKE-EMPIRE -> I SHIP ONCE A WEEK
Yes, I know, in this day and age of drones reading your minds and already dropping off your precious package on the kitchen table before you hit the purchase button, we, spoiled, instant gratification society lemmings, consider it a blasphemy if a vendor takes more than 15 minutes to respond.
Well, I am a one-man-shop with a real job, a software company to run, wife, 3 kids and a cat, so this is just a hobby for me. So pretty please, for the love of Shiva, take a chillax pill, and have a tiny bit of patience with me. You will get your record. And if you absolutely need to have it quickly, because in the universe of 75 quadrillion records the one you just ordered from me is the absolute essential one you need next Friday for your incredible Facebook audience, all seven of them, to really go bonkers during your fabulous-one-of-a-kind streaming experience...well... maybe I am not the ideal seller for you <grin>.

I ONLY SHIP TO THE ADDRESS ON DISCOGS!!!!
Sorry, but if you want me to ship to a different address because you just realized that one more record order will send your girlfriend over the edge and she is going to kick you out of the apartment so you decided to reroute discogs packages to Aunt Crystal Methenys shack, or perhaps because when you typed it with your left hand, your right hand holding that slice of New York pizza dripped too much oil on the keyboard causing a bad typo, then you'll have to cancel the order, fix the discogs address and create the order again.
Yup, I am a piece of work, I know, but here's the thing: I get a lot of orders per week and process them in a sort of automated/mechanical way and my pea-brain will not the conversation we had 573 messages ago about a change of address and no, I don't go through all the messages for each order because, well, see the previous point.

PLEASE COMMUNICATE
I am trying to master the art of telepathy but for some reason it's not quite there yet, so please, talk to me first if you have an issue.

I DON'T DO PARTIAL REFUNDS
I am very careful when grading records but people sometimes don't seem to understand what the goldmine standard is.
For instance a VG dos not mean "this item is so, so very goooood and shiny!". Instead, the goldmine standard refers to VG as a turd where "Surface noise will be evident" or "Labels may be marred by writing, or have tape or stickers" G+ is even worse. It may sound like it is better than good, but if you read the goldmine standard it really means piss poor. Get the point? So, for those who are trying to find a molecule out of place on the vinyl to try to fish for a partial refund, I don't do that. If you are in the US I will happily give you a full refund upon return of the item. It's binary. Zero or 100%. Mkay? For European buyers, you can ship it to my Madrid store, but you pay for the return shipping.

I DON'T DESCRIBE PRICE STICKERS AND SUCH!
If you are looking to hang the cover on the wall to impress Uncle Haywood, or Instagram it to your famous friends, or perhaps you just have OCD, that's cool by me. I hang records on the wall too, then share it to my social network of friends. All four of them. But bear in mind that I will not always put in the description if the cover or label has a price or (neat) store sticker, so ask first!
99% of my stuff is DJ related and we don't whine when we buy an item at the store which sold as Mint and it has the store or price sticker, right? We even expect that sticker to be there. I will tell you of course if the label has writings or the cover has that friggin stupid BPM sticker that certain DJ's with too much earwax need to put (oh no! this one is a 126 BPM and the one sounding, the BPM counter says 124BPM, can't mix, aaaaahhh!!!). Do you put BPM sitckers on the cover? Did I just offend you? My sincere apologies. It was my intention.
"Why? You pompous, entitled seller, why????", you my ask yourself... For your own benefit, because if I have to start describing every little thing including the thickness of the vinyl and the smell it has when I wake up in the morning I would have less than half of the stuff on inventory at twice the price.

I DON'T WRITE CUSTOM MESSAGES ON PACKAGES
I get it, you live in California's Death Valley and Murphy's law will make sure that your package gets dropped off smack in the middle of the hottest day ever recorded in your zip code. So you want me to write some custom message that says "Yo, Dumbledore, drop it inside that pink cat litter next to Seymour Butts' skunk cabbage pot coz Whiskers keeps em rekkits cool with his peepee."?
Yeah, no. I process packages like a meatpacker and don't read each comment once I start packing. I may try to instructions, but it's pretty unlikely I will because my memory barely rivals that of an amoeba that got Covid.
Speaking of packing, I don't sprinkle the packages with unicorn tears but I do pack them nicely. As in, I add either extra cardboard separators or bubble wrap. If the record includes artwork /custom cover I will take the record out of it and slide both into a new plastic cover sleeve to prevent that mythical seam splitting (that no double blind test has consistently demonstrated actually exists when a package is tightly packed, but hey, many gullible nincompoops also believe that golden RCA jacks, 96khz sampling, 24-bit resolution, and other expensive snake-oil-flat-earth-acoustics bullshit make a difference, so whatever rocks your boat...here I go again with my nonsense digressing...). Did you spend $2,300 on monster cables? Did I just offend you? My sincere apologies. It was my intention.

I DON'T SHIP OUTSIDE OF THE US
"Ahhh the arrogance! Why would you not ship overseas? That's irrational!"
Let me tell you why, grasshopper: because this is just a hobby for me where I try to limit my activities to stuff I still enjoy.
From the immense cost, the endless forms, the order of magnitude of additional shipping processing compared to a domestic shipment, the non-existent tracking, the near impossible task of having a fair refund process, etc, etc it is all just a friggin pain in the patooty. I don't care if I lose some sales, my only mistake was to not limit domestic shipping sooner.
On top of that, and apologies if I am hurting your fragile sensitive soul, but during the years I dealt with this crapola I noticed a consistent pattern of foreign post offices in Europe and South America being considerably less reliable than the US post office and I also noticed that (especially some European buyers) being a lot more rude and prone for looking for a refund with the unprovable excuse that a molecule was out of place.
If you are from the UK, Spain, Brazil, you name it and after reading this rant you don't completely hate me and still must place an order with me there is only one way to do it: find a US address, change your address to said address on your buyer profile, and go through the process through Discogs. I am not changing my settings (and risk opening the floodgates) and I will not do this stuff outside of Discogs either and risk forgetting, exposing myself somehow, etc.

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PHEW!! BACK TO SMILES AND LOVE :)
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Titles guaranteed in stock !
Items ship in safe sturdy cardboard mailers w/bubble wrap!
Te podés comunicar en español.
Ich kann mich auf Deutsch kommunizieren.

SHIPPING PARAFERNALIA:
US >>
USPS media mail>> $5.90 FLAT!! No matter how many records/CDs you buy! 3 records? $5.90 total shipping, 27 records? $5.90 Total, 134 records? You get the point.

Sorry, I only ship domestic!

Insurance available upon request. pays for it. Please take into that USPS does not offer insurance for first class airmail (default international shipping).
For US customers: I will provide a fill refund for any good that don't meet your criteria upon receipt of the goods. Please make sure to first return the items in the same package marked as "Return to sender".

I usually ship once a week (sometimes twice).